Chicks and Bikes: Results and Analysis

After an overwhelming turnout of more than 7 votes, the results are in. It turns out that most readers of City Fathers either think that girls who ride motorcycles are awesome or that they're lesbians. (Or I suppose they could be awesome lesbians.) And since I know for a fact that Celeste is not a lesbian (ni me deja dormir!), I have come to the conclusion, by process of elimination, that she will be awesome if she rides motorcycles. Although 25% (2 of you) predicted that she won't ever ride a motorcycle.

Benjamin Button

If Benjamin Button was born old and small, why didn't he die young and big? Why did he grow as he got younger, and then suddenly begin to shrink? He should have have turned into a giant baby for the movie to make any sense.

Maintenance Man

Faithful readers of City Fathers (all 1 or 2 of you) will remember a post entitled "Homestead." If not, here's the link: http://city-fathers.blogspot.com/2009/02/homestead.html

In summary, the idea is that we'll buy a nice chunk of land with a lake and build our houses on it. Then we could build a sweet clubhouse to share, put a boat on the lake, build a basketball court, soccer field...

I'm getting off track. The point is that we'd have a nice little community with neighbors that we actually liked.

Anyway, I had another idea. I have a certain brother who is headed in the wrong direction, career-wise. Academic probation or academic suspension or whatever. I'm not going to name names. It may or may not be Jacob.

In our little community, grass will need to be mowed, roofs will need to be mended, walls will need to be painted, and toilets will need to be unclogged.

So we kill two birds with one stone. We build a modest shack on the property with a toilet, a chair, and a World of Warcraft-ready computer. We let this unnamed brother move his family into the shack and feed them in return for maintenance services. We'll even give him a uniform, a clipboard, and a Nextel radio.

*Beep* "Go ahead."

"We've got a clogged toilet in the upstairs bathroom, house 2."

"10-4. I'll be right there."

Beautiful.

Chicks and Bikes

I have always thought it was cool when girls ride motorcycles--even sportbikes. In a couple of years I see myself cruising around the Missouri countryside on my CBR600 with Celeste zipping along behind (or in front) on her own bike. When I have mentioned this to Celeste or my sisters, it has brought up several doubts and concerns regarding women and motorcycles.

So I am seeking some feedback. Thus, the Chicks and Bikes Poll on the right. Take 2 seconds and click your answer(s).

Lost

Last night was the season finale of Lost. Lost and I have had an erratic relationship. After the first season I vowed never to watch it again. I was sucked back in.

Why I Hate It

After every episode during the first season I was left saying, "What the...?" Everything was built up to the final episode when so many questions would finally be answered. As the final episode drew nearer and nearer to a close, I realized that NO questions would be answered. In fact, MORE questions were raised. When the final episode left me saying the most bewildered "What the...?" of all, I was furious. What a waste of my time! I will never watch that stupid show again!

Why I Love It

With nothing else on TV but reality TV garbage, cop/lawyer/medical dramas, and comedies that don't tickle my funny, I was left with one alternative--Lost. And so I hung in there, season after season, until the mysteries of the island finally began to be answered. And honestly, the long wait made the answers more gratifying.

Lost isn't your typical drama. It's intelligent and inventive. I can usually predict what will happen in other TV shows (who is the last person you'd think would do it--that's who did it [Nina]), but Lost keeps breaking the rules. (Although, I did guess correctly what was in the box last night because I am a super genius.) The cliches that plague other dramas are absent in Lost. The characters are all crappy people (con-men, murderers, drug addicts) but they are deep and sophisticated. And the show is set in a different world, not the same world we are trying to take a break from when we watch TV. And the mark of a good drama is that it makes you say, "Whoah!" a lot, right? Last night there were about five good "Whoah!"s.

So if you want a creative, intelligent alternative to the moronic medical dramas and reality contest shows, catch up on Lost before the final season. This show isn't for casual, mindless TV watchers. It's for people who demand that a little bit of thought go into their entertainment.

Personality

In my opinion, the best sports announcers are the ones that DON'T leave an impression on you. You should remember the game, not the announcer. Here are a few announcers that have left an impression on me.

John Madden -- I think I've whined about him enough that most peope who know me know that I'm not a fan of John Madden, a.k.a. Captain Obvious.

"Now, what you gotta do is put more points on the board than the other guy. And the way you do that is BOOM! put it in the endzone!"

Bill Walton -- My least favorite announcer of all time is, hands down, Bill Walton. Every word that goober utters is like another tap on the hammer driving a nail into my brain. My IQ has temporarily fallen each time I've watched a game he's announced.

Dick Vitale -- I actually don't mind Dickie V, baby. At least he's enthusiastic about his work. It would sure get exhausting listening to him for more than a few hours a season, though.

Charles Barkley -- Believe it or not, I actually like Sir Charles. He doesn't take himself too seriously (in contrast to Bill Walton). Every now and then he says something pretty funny.

"Yao Ming makes Sean Bradley look like Bill Russell."

"I love Sam Cassell. He's a great guy. But he does look like E.T."

For more quotes, go to http://barkleyquotes.blogspot.com/

Terry Bradshaw -- I wonder how much this guy gets paid to dress up in a suit and act like the court jester for pregame shows. He is not a smart man. But I don't hate him (in contrast to Bill Walton).

And I'm a Smart Aleck

I'm getting really sick of that smug little punk Mac on the commercials. I wish PC would just wheel around and kick that little wisenheimer where the sun don't shine.

I'm not weighing in on the whole Mac vs. PC argument. I just hate the snotty Mac character, that's all.