License to Il

You've got to love a good villain. Darth Vader, the Joker, Professor Ratigan, the Terminator, Mr. Potter, Yosemite Sam, Mugatu... Where would cinema be without good villains?

And where would the drama playing out on the world stage be without Kim Jong Il?

He has all the qualities that make a great villain.

1. Looks: From his quasi-working class jumpsuit to his old lady glasses to his Ernie hairdo to his liver spots, the guy clears the comic ugliness bar with ease.

2. Evil: Kim Jong Il may have gotten off to a splendidly evil start at the age of 5 when he reportedly caused his brother to drown. He made good use of the next 63 years by seizing control of communist North Korea, watching his people starve while living in luxurious palaces and private resorts, forcing his mistress's husband to divorce her, planting bombs on a South Korean plane (killing 115) and in the hotel where the South Korean president was staying (killing 17), and belligerently threatening the world with nuclear holocaust.

3. Narcissism: He makes his subjects call him "Dear Leader" and "Dear Father," he calls himself an "internet expert," he claims to have written six operas in two years, he wrote a book entitled "On the Art of Cinema," and he claims to hit three or four holes-in-one per round of golf.

4. Aspirations Toward World Domination: He reminds me of Syndrome on "The Incredibles." He wants to be a hero but no one pays attention to him. So he decides to build terrible weapons and threaten the very existence of man. "This will make them notice me!"

Oh, what a boring world it would be without the comedic ravings of Kim Jong Il.