Essay on Flatulence
Flatulence, which can cause great psychosocial distress, is unofficially described according to its salient characteristics: [1] the "slider" [crowded elevator type], which is released slowly and noiselessly, sometimes with devastating effect; [2] the open sphincter, or "pooh" type, which is said to be of higher temperature and more aromatic; [3] the staccato or drumbeat type, pleasantly passed in privacy; and [4] the "bark" type [described in a personal communication] is characterized by a sharp exclamatory eruption that effectively interrupts [and often concludes] conversation. Aromaticity is not a prominent feature. Rarely, this usually distressing symptom has been turned to advantage, as with a Frenchman referred to as "Le Petomane," who became affluent as an effluent performer who played tunes with the gas from his rectum on the Moulin Rouge stage.
-The Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy, 18th ed. Mark H. Beers, MD, Robert S. Porter, MD, eds. Whitehouse Station, NJ: Merck Research Labs, 2006, sidebar 1, p 81.
Had I been consulted by the editors, I may have added the "squeaker" and the "shart."
wow. that was sick.
ReplyDeleteon a better note, we got a shout-out on craig's blog for being "clever and entertaining." score for us. check it out.
http://escapebubblenation.blogspot.com/
Oh come on. Didn't you appreciate "sometimes with devastating effects"? Or that they called it "staccato"? Or the "sharp, exclamatory eruption that sometimes interrupts (and often concludes) conversation"? Hilarious! And what about the Moulin Rouge? I actually think that would have fit in with the rest of the movie pretty well.
ReplyDeleteJared and Jacob suffer from all of the above. Although most often they those that are the loudest and stinkiest.
ReplyDeleteGee thanks Celeste. Always good to know someone remembers me. I think they should have added underwater flatulence. Or does that belong in a seperate and distince class all its own?
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