After a disappointing Season 6, stupid Audrey Raines is where she belongs (on some lame, girly show that oozes so much estrogen your TV will grow breasts) and Jack is back in business. The Jack Bauer Hour of Power has returned! This will undoubtedly renew the 8-year old question: Could Jack Bauer beat up Chuck Norris?
This question belongs in a family of similar nerdy questions, none of which could I resist weighing in on.
1. Who would win in a fight: Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris?
My answer: Are you kidding me? Didn't you know that Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed? Run, Chuck, run! The only reason you're still concious is because Jack doesn't feel like carrying you.
Nerds' answer: "Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy." --Socrates (I don't know why they attributed this "quote" to Socrates.)
2. Who would win in a fight: Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?
My answer: Did you say fight or talking contest? I think you said fight. 'Cuz if you said talking contest Picard would win hands down. That's all he does. Now if you want the job done, call up James T. Kirk. Captain Picard would start negotiating and before he got two words out Captain Kirk would pummel him with that sweet two-fisted strike to the gut.
Nerds' answer: Three words...flying leg kick.
3. Who would win in a fight: Marvel characters or DC characters?
My answer: Who gives a #*$@?
Nerds' answer: Marvel has led the way as of late in media outside of comics. That may be about to change though. We very well could be on the edge of a new frontier. (Exciting, hah?)
4. Who would win in a fight: the Alien or the Predator?
My answer: I don't think I made it to the end of that lame movie to find out.
Nerds' answer: Tie. As the Predators retreat into space, a chestburster erupts from the dead Predator. It appears to be an Alien/Predator hybrid with the characteristic mandibles of both creatures.
5. Who would win in a fight: Ditka or a hurricane?
My answer: Depends. Is the hurricane's name Ditka?
Nerds' answer: Depends. Is the hurricane's name Ditka?
Jack Bauer is the coolest man alive.
ReplyDeletethe only thing that would make this post better is if you took away the explanation after socrates' quote. that is hilarious on its own.
ReplyDeleteit's posts like this where you really shine. i think this is possibly my favorite one.
i have other things to say but i'll add them later. i'm supposed to be working.
ok screw work, that was stupid of me. here's what i have to contribute:
ReplyDeleteWhen the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
ok and for the record: i HATE chuck norris and everything about him. he is an ugly ginger red head and everything about him sucks.
ReplyDeleteoh, and also: i love jack bauer. and i love tony. i started with season 3 and i think i fell in love with tony a little bit. i hear he's back this season, but i'm not watching yet, so nobody say anything. i only watch in dvd package form now. better for my ulcers, you know? get them all out of the way in one weekend.
ReplyDeletewow i really hate work. miles, get online so we can talk about how cool jack is. and how cool tony is. and how uncool our siblings are. just kidding
Yes, Chuck Norris did count to infinity twice. Meanwhile, Jack Bauer did something worthwhile.
ReplyDelete"Question. Who would win out of a fight between Ditka and a god?"
ReplyDelete"Thats a tick question. Ditka is god."
We have been watching this newseason. Although it is as unrealistic as ever, the excitement/entertaining factor is still there.
ReplyDelete