Rebel

Why is it that at times I am drawn to people who don't give a @%&# and at other times I can't stand them. There is something attractive about a rebel--someone who ignores convention and does his own thing. At the same time, people who don't play by the rules are often a source of misery.

I don't think there would be anything attractive about rebels if they didn't have some admirable qualities: creative, whitty, innovative, confident, strong-willed, humorous. They often take a different look at society and offer a fresh perspective.

Unfortunately, rebellious characters are also: apathetic, selfish, manipulative, dishonest, careless.

If only we could emulate the admirable qualities without picking up the bad.

I am... The Oprah!

I keep seeing the following ad:

Oprah's 1 Flat Stomach Rule: Obey...

Oprah's flat stomach? That's like saying "Snoop Dogg's secret to quitting weed."

Just more evidence that women will do anything Oprah says.

Hoops

I hate hoops. I hated being bored out of my mind in a high school classroom just so they'd give me a piece of paper to turn in with my college application. I hated memorizing that CH3CH2OH, in a SOCl2 or pyridine solution, becomes CH3CH2Cl along with a thousand other equations that would have no application in my career or life.

The latest hoop?

Well, the latest hoop I didn't even know I was supposed to jump through. Apparently, when we bought our home we were supposed to sign a paper that we were never told about. Because we didn't sign this paper that we didn't know about, our property tax went up 1000%.

1000%!!!

That's over $200 per month. Because we missed a hoop. This is one example of how ridiculous the government is. Beaurocracy is a word that has come to mean "taking all common sense out of interpersonal relationships." Well, guess what. The government is growing and beaurocracy is about to take over. Everything is about to get less efficient, more expensive, and more frustrating.

We're going to be so busy jumping through hoops that we won't get anything done.

Modern Gladiators

Looking back at the ancient Roman arena and the atrocities commited therein, most of us are appalled. Slaves, criminals, and professionals fought one another, often to the death, for the entertainment of spectators. We regard the patrons of the arena and their blood-lust with contempt and disgust.

There is much to be admired about gladiator combat. It could be argued to be the pinnacle of competition--win or die. Many of the gladiators were highly skilled in their craft. They must have been terrific athletes. Not all of them fought against their will, and some of them became successful celebrities. They were known to demonstrate extreme courage. Cicero said, "...when do you ever see one twist his neck away after he has been ordered to extend it for the death blow?"

Does the fact that the arena put some admirable qualities on display make it a virtuous activity?

Human nature has not changed. Our thirst for contention and destruction has not been assuaged. Rather than indulging in physical violence, we revel in emotional and psychological combat.

I'm talking, of course, about the abomination known as reality television.

We delight in the tears of contestants on the Bachelor(ette).

We are thrilled by the arguing and backstabbing that takes place on the Apprentice.

We laugh at cat fights between disturbed and egotistical women on America's Next Top Model.

We love to hate the jerk who constantly ridicules and criticizes his substitute wife on Wife Swap.

And who gets sucked into American Idol by the winners? We get sucked in by the losers--the people who make fools of themselves. (And by "we" I mean our culture because I have never been sucked into that lame show.)

Okay, so reality TV isn't as bad as watching men kill each other for the fun of it, but it's the same principle and I really hate reality TV.

Homestead

I found this 17 acre property north of Marshall, MO and the wheels started to turn. (Daydreaming keeps me going.) On the property is a 6 acre lake--about the size of 4 and 1/2 football fields. The property already has water and electricity. So we get 3 or 4 families together and purchase the land. We each build a house on different sides of the lake (privacy you know). Then we build a sweet lakeside clubhouse.

The Clubhouse: By combining the earning potential of 4 families, we could build an awesome clubhouse. A large 2nd story deck would overhang the lake. It would have patio furniture and a BBQ. Inside, the 2nd floor would have two large rooms. One would be a theater with a projector, powerful surround sound, and plenty of seating. Two other large flat screens would be mounted kitty corner to the projector screen. We could watch several games at a time during the World Cup, March Madness, the NBA playoffs, etc. They would, of course, be connected to X-Box 360s and PCs (all networked together with additional ports for laptops if we have more players). All the hardware would be neatly hidden in cabinets until it came time to play the newest Call of Duty or Warcraft game. Next to the theater would be a game room with a pool table, foosball, ping-pong, board game/card game table, and whatever else. Downstairs we would have a kitchen with a large eating area for get-togethers. There would also be a gym for getting pumped up, and a bathroom/changing room. Underneath the deck would be a dock.

The Sports Complex: Just outside the clubhouse we would have our basketball court, volleyball net, and soccer/football field. Lightpoles on the clubhouse would provide lighting for those summer midnight games. The deck would provide a good view of the action for spectators.

The Lake: I don't think 6 acres is big enough for water skiing, but it ought to be big enough for waverunners. This particular lake is full of blue gill and bass. And in the fall it is full of ducks. We'll put up rope swings and maybe even install a diving board. If you need to get your water skiing fix, there are tons of large lakes nearby.

The Land: Please refer to my Backyard post.

The Area: 1/2 mile from the Missouri River, just north of Van Meter State Park, and close to the Grand Pass Wildlife Area. It's also just over an hour from Kansas City (home of the Chiefs, a temple, and all the culture and shopping you ladies could want) and less than an hour from Columbia (home of the University of Missouri and plenty of culture and shopping).

The Houses: Build whatever you want. I don't care. As for our house, I'll leave that up to the wife.

The Windmill, Well, and Solar Panels: I'm sick of paying monthly utility bills. We'll share a well and build a windmill out in the forest. Then I'll put those new, cheap solar panels on my roof.

Make your reservations now!

Lorenzo v. 2.0 and 3.0

Don't worry. I'm not turning this into one of those family blogs. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...) But as a proud, new father, I can't help but introduce you to my son, Lorenzo the Third. I'd publish a picture of his mother, but after 10.5 hours of labor and 1.5 hours of giving it everything she had, she forbade it.

Cupid's Sense of Humor

Cupid, the Roman god of erotic love and beauty, wasn't always a pudgy baby. He started out as the Greek sex symbol, Eros. Eros actually had two different types of arrows. The first type was the one we're all familiar with--the type that made you fall in love. The second type, however, made you hate the first person you saw.

The fact that Cupid has a sense of humor is made evident by the story in which he shoots the god Apollo with a love arrow so he falls head over heels in love with a nymph. Cupid then shoots the nymph with a hate arrow. So lovesick Apollo chases the nymph around in a scene straight from a Pepe le Pew cartoon.

Another proof of Cupid's sense of humor is tiny men who marry giant women and then try to put their arms around them at church.