Previously, on 24... I invested a lot of time in a silly show. As of approximately 18 minutes ago, it ended and I breathed a sigh of relief.
After viewing the series finalies of the only two shows that I have faithfully watched over the past few years (24 and Lost), I am liberated. I will now have an extra 2 hours of free time every week. What will I do with my time?
I don't know. Let's see what's on TV.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Telephone
Would somebody PLEASE teach Lady Gaga how to turn off her phone!
The best solution is often the simplest one.
Maybe she doesn't know how because she sips too much of that bub.
My TELephone...
My TELephone...
The best solution is often the simplest one.
Maybe she doesn't know how because she sips too much of that bub.
My TELephone...
My TELephone...
Thursday, May 6, 2010
National Day of Prayer
I don't understand all the uproar over the "National Day of Prayer." Emotions are running high on both sides. Evangelists think they are being robbed of "an opportunity to pray voluntarily according to their own faith." Atheists think their civil rights are being trampled by a nation that refuses to recognize the constitutional seperation of church and state.
What purpose does the National Day of Prayer serve? Does it open any channels of communication with God that aren't already open? Shouldn't every day be a day of prayer? That's like having a National Day of Breathing. It doesn't provide any additional opportunities to speak with God.
And then there are the opponents. Who takes up the cause against prayer? If you are an atheist, why does it even bother you? If you don't believe in prayer, then you don't need to worry about it! And you must be terribly naive, and a very poor historian to think that the founding fathers had a prayerless nation in mind when they composed the constitution.
I don't really understand the need for a National Day of Prayer. But it disappoints me that there are Americans who so passionately and vocally oppose prayer.
If someone were to propose to me that we have a National Day of Prayer, I would have said, "Why?"
But to those who have taken up the cause of abolishing the National Day of Prayer I say, "Why!?!"
What purpose does the National Day of Prayer serve? Does it open any channels of communication with God that aren't already open? Shouldn't every day be a day of prayer? That's like having a National Day of Breathing. It doesn't provide any additional opportunities to speak with God.
And then there are the opponents. Who takes up the cause against prayer? If you are an atheist, why does it even bother you? If you don't believe in prayer, then you don't need to worry about it! And you must be terribly naive, and a very poor historian to think that the founding fathers had a prayerless nation in mind when they composed the constitution.
I don't really understand the need for a National Day of Prayer. But it disappoints me that there are Americans who so passionately and vocally oppose prayer.
If someone were to propose to me that we have a National Day of Prayer, I would have said, "Why?"
But to those who have taken up the cause of abolishing the National Day of Prayer I say, "Why!?!"
Friday, April 30, 2010
Satellite Package
When you go to the grocery store for a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk, they don't tell you, "You can have the bread and milk if you also buy cheese, the latest issue of the Enquirer, three flavors of Jell-O, bubble bath, and a tube of antifungal cream...All for a low, low price! The other grocery stores only offer TWO flavors of Jell-O! Here, you get three!"
Unfortunately, that's what satellite and cable TV do. They make you buy all the crap with the good stuff. Why do I have to pay for A&E, the Weather Channel, and the Food Network just so I can watch BYU football?
I wish someone would let you put together a custom package. Here is my first draft:
ESPN
ESPN2
Versus
the Mtn
Spike (MMA)
NBC (the Office)
ABC (for a few more weeks until Lost is over)
History Channel
If I need more channels than that, I'd better evaluate how much time I'm spending watching TV.
Did I miss anything good?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Company Names
Years of television watching have taught my brain to divert "now, for a limited time," "0% APR," and "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah... I'm lovin' it" into the dumping grounds of my subconscious mind, stamped DNR. Commercials are a low, annoying background hum while I tune in to another channel of thought. I play with Zo, talk with Celeste, or think about my next creative project until my filter alerts me that Jack Bauer or Dwight Shrute are back on screen. I then tune back in to the television. But occasionally, my filter picks up on something interesting and draws me back to the broadcast prematurely. (Usually a Victoria's Secret commercial. In such cases I have to overrule my id and go back to tuning out the commercials.) The other night, the filter caught the tail end of a commercial for a home improvement franchise. "...for a limited time, only...at Menards!"
Menards?!
Isn't that what you say when you get hit in the groin with a football?
"Oh, Menards!"
Don't people think before they name their companies?
I used to pass by an autobody shop called, "Gaylord Fiberglass Truck". Across the street, I kid you not, was a used car dealership called, "Menlove Auto." Coincidence?
We also used to pass by a restaurant in Anaheim, CA called "Thai Porn." I'm sure many potential clients walked out of "Thai Porn" very disappointed. What was the owner thinking?
------
Well, I just looked it up. Turns out "porn" means "blessing" in Thailand. The owner's name is Pornpan. She named the restaurant after herself on the advice of a fortune teller. Now that's a fortune teller with a sense of humor.
Menards?!
Isn't that what you say when you get hit in the groin with a football?
"Oh, Menards!"
Don't people think before they name their companies?
I used to pass by an autobody shop called, "Gaylord Fiberglass Truck". Across the street, I kid you not, was a used car dealership called, "Menlove Auto." Coincidence?
We also used to pass by a restaurant in Anaheim, CA called "Thai Porn." I'm sure many potential clients walked out of "Thai Porn" very disappointed. What was the owner thinking?
------
Well, I just looked it up. Turns out "porn" means "blessing" in Thailand. The owner's name is Pornpan. She named the restaurant after herself on the advice of a fortune teller. Now that's a fortune teller with a sense of humor.
Turns out that I am so manly I only crank out Y chromosomes.Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Master Romney
In 24 days I will receive my MSPAS. That's Master of Science in Physician Assistant Studies. After receiving my degree, patients and colleagues will still address me as "Miles," "the PA," "that guy," or "hey, you." Maybe in a few years when I've got some wrinkles and gray hair they'll call me Mr. Romney.
If people with doctorates are called doctors, why is there no special title for people with masters degrees?
After I graduate, I will insist that everyone call me Master Romney.
Not really. I like "Miles."
(Besides, then people would have to start calling my wife "Bachelor Romney.")
If people with doctorates are called doctors, why is there no special title for people with masters degrees?
After I graduate, I will insist that everyone call me Master Romney.
Not really. I like "Miles."
(Besides, then people would have to start calling my wife "Bachelor Romney.")
Independence Day
Why do we always call it "the 4th of July"? Today is the 7th of July. So what? Why don't we call it Independence Day? Calling it "the 4th of July" is like calling Thanksgiving "Turkey Day." Or Christmas "Xmas." It's like we're trying to forget the reason behind the holiday.
Anyway, I had a good INDEPENDENCE DAY. We grilled steaks and played with some cheap fireworks. Zo was more interested in sucking on his blanket than blowing things up. After we ate, there was a thunderstorm. We sat beneath an umbrella on our back patio, covered with a sleeping back, and watched the lightening, thunder, rain, and hail. After it was over, we enjoyed the most amazing rainbow I've ever seen. It was a double rainbow that stretched from the northeast to the southeast horizon.
We watched fireworks later that night, but they didn't compare to nature's lightening and rainbow shows.
Next summer we'll be in Missouri. Then we'll see some REAL thunderstorms.
Anyway, I had a good INDEPENDENCE DAY. We grilled steaks and played with some cheap fireworks. Zo was more interested in sucking on his blanket than blowing things up. After we ate, there was a thunderstorm. We sat beneath an umbrella on our back patio, covered with a sleeping back, and watched the lightening, thunder, rain, and hail. After it was over, we enjoyed the most amazing rainbow I've ever seen. It was a double rainbow that stretched from the northeast to the southeast horizon.
We watched fireworks later that night, but they didn't compare to nature's lightening and rainbow shows.
Next summer we'll be in Missouri. Then we'll see some REAL thunderstorms.
Friday, July 3, 2009
License to Il
You've got to love a good villain. Darth Vader, the Joker, Professor Ratigan, the Terminator, Mr. Potter, Yosemite Sam, Mugatu... Where would cinema be without good villains?
And where would the drama playing out on the world stage be without Kim Jong Il?
He has all the qualities that make a great villain.
1. Looks: From his quasi-working class jumpsuit to his old lady glasses to his Ernie hairdo to his liver spots, the guy clears the comic ugliness bar with ease.
2. Evil: Kim Jong Il may have gotten off to a splendidly evil start at the age of 5 when he reportedly caused his brother to drown. He made good use of the next 63 years by seizing control of communist North Korea, watching his people starve while living in luxurious palaces and private resorts, forcing his mistress's husband to divorce her, planting bombs on a South Korean plane (killing 115) and in the hotel where the South Korean president was staying (killing 17), and belligerently threatening the world with nuclear holocaust.
3. Narcissism: He makes his subjects call him "Dear Leader" and "Dear Father," he calls himself an "internet expert," he claims to have written six operas in two years, he wrote a book entitled "On the Art of Cinema," and he claims to hit three or four holes-in-one per round of golf.
4. Aspirations Toward World Domination: He reminds me of Syndrome on "The Incredibles." He wants to be a hero but no one pays attention to him. So he decides to build terrible weapons and threaten the very existence of man. "This will make them notice me!"
Oh, what a boring world it would be without the comedic ravings of Kim Jong Il.
And where would the drama playing out on the world stage be without Kim Jong Il?
He has all the qualities that make a great villain.
1. Looks: From his quasi-working class jumpsuit to his old lady glasses to his Ernie hairdo to his liver spots, the guy clears the comic ugliness bar with ease.
2. Evil: Kim Jong Il may have gotten off to a splendidly evil start at the age of 5 when he reportedly caused his brother to drown. He made good use of the next 63 years by seizing control of communist North Korea, watching his people starve while living in luxurious palaces and private resorts, forcing his mistress's husband to divorce her, planting bombs on a South Korean plane (killing 115) and in the hotel where the South Korean president was staying (killing 17), and belligerently threatening the world with nuclear holocaust.
3. Narcissism: He makes his subjects call him "Dear Leader" and "Dear Father," he calls himself an "internet expert," he claims to have written six operas in two years, he wrote a book entitled "On the Art of Cinema," and he claims to hit three or four holes-in-one per round of golf.
4. Aspirations Toward World Domination: He reminds me of Syndrome on "The Incredibles." He wants to be a hero but no one pays attention to him. So he decides to build terrible weapons and threaten the very existence of man. "This will make them notice me!"
Oh, what a boring world it would be without the comedic ravings of Kim Jong Il.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Chicks and Bikes: Results and Analysis
After an overwhelming turnout of more than 7 votes, the results are in. It turns out that most readers of City Fathers either think that girls who ride motorcycles are awesome or that they're lesbians. (Or I suppose they could be awesome lesbians.) And since I know for a fact that Celeste is not a lesbian (ni me deja dormir!), I have come to the conclusion, by process of elimination, that she will be awesome if she rides motorcycles. Although 25% (2 of you) predicted that she won't ever ride a motorcycle.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Benjamin Button
If Benjamin Button was born old and small, why didn't he die young and big? Why did he grow as he got younger, and then suddenly begin to shrink? He should have have turned into a giant baby for the movie to make any sense.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Maintenance Man
Faithful readers of City Fathers (all 1 or 2 of you) will remember a post entitled "Homestead." If not, here's the link: http://city-fathers.blogspot.com/2009/02/homestead.html
In summary, the idea is that we'll buy a nice chunk of land with a lake and build our houses on it. Then we could build a sweet clubhouse to share, put a boat on the lake, build a basketball court, soccer field...
I'm getting off track. The point is that we'd have a nice little community with neighbors that we actually liked.
Anyway, I had another idea. I have a certain brother who is headed in the wrong direction, career-wise. Academic probation or academic suspension or whatever. I'm not going to name names. It may or may not be Jacob.
In our little community, grass will need to be mowed, roofs will need to be mended, walls will need to be painted, and toilets will need to be unclogged.
So we kill two birds with one stone. We build a modest shack on the property with a toilet, a chair, and a World of Warcraft-ready computer. We let this unnamed brother move his family into the shack and feed them in return for maintenance services. We'll even give him a uniform, a clipboard, and a Nextel radio.
*Beep* "Go ahead."
"We've got a clogged toilet in the upstairs bathroom, house 2."
"10-4. I'll be right there."
Beautiful.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Chicks and Bikes
I have always thought it was cool when girls ride motorcycles--even sportbikes. In a couple of years I see myself cruising around the Missouri countryside on my CBR600 with Celeste zipping along behind (or in front) on her own bike. When I have mentioned this to Celeste or my sisters, it has brought up several doubts and concerns regarding women and motorcycles.
So I am seeking some feedback. Thus, the Chicks and Bikes Poll on the right. Take 2 seconds and click your answer(s).
So I am seeking some feedback. Thus, the Chicks and Bikes Poll on the right. Take 2 seconds and click your answer(s).
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Lost
Last night was the season finale of Lost. Lost and I have had an erratic relationship. After the first season I vowed never to watch it again. I was sucked back in.
So if you want a creative, intelligent alternative to the moronic medical dramas and reality contest shows, catch up on Lost before the final season. This show isn't for casual, mindless TV watchers. It's for people who demand that a little bit of thought go into their entertainment.
Why I Hate It
After every episode during the first season I was left saying, "What the...?" Everything was built up to the final episode when so many questions would finally be answered. As the final episode drew nearer and nearer to a close, I realized that NO questions would be answered. In fact, MORE questions were raised. When the final episode left me saying the most bewildered "What the...?" of all, I was furious. What a waste of my time! I will never watch that stupid show again!
Why I Love It
With nothing else on TV but reality TV garbage, cop/lawyer/medical dramas, and comedies that don't tickle my funny, I was left with one alternative--Lost. And so I hung in there, season after season, until the mysteries of the island finally began to be answered. And honestly, the long wait made the answers more gratifying.
Lost isn't your typical drama. It's intelligent and inventive. I can usually predict what will happen in other TV shows (who is the last person you'd think would do it--that's who did it [Nina]), but Lost keeps breaking the rules. (Although, I did guess correctly what was in the box last night because I am a super genius.) The cliches that plague other dramas are absent in Lost. The characters are all crappy people (con-men, murderers, drug addicts) but they are deep and sophisticated. And the show is set in a different world, not the same world we are trying to take a break from when we watch TV. And the mark of a good drama is that it makes you say, "Whoah!" a lot, right? Last night there were about five good "Whoah!"s.
So if you want a creative, intelligent alternative to the moronic medical dramas and reality contest shows, catch up on Lost before the final season. This show isn't for casual, mindless TV watchers. It's for people who demand that a little bit of thought go into their entertainment.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Personality
In my opinion, the best sports announcers are the ones that DON'T leave an impression on you. You should remember the game, not the announcer. Here are a few announcers that have left an impression on me.
John Madden -- I think I've whined about him enough that most peope who know me know that I'm not a fan of John Madden, a.k.a. Captain Obvious.
"Now, what you gotta do is put more points on the board than the other guy. And the way you do that is BOOM! put it in the endzone!"
Bill Walton -- My least favorite announcer of all time is, hands down, Bill Walton. Every word that goober utters is like another tap on the hammer driving a nail into my brain. My IQ has temporarily fallen each time I've watched a game he's announced.
Dick Vitale -- I actually don't mind Dickie V, baby. At least he's enthusiastic about his work. It would sure get exhausting listening to him for more than a few hours a season, though.
Charles Barkley -- Believe it or not, I actually like Sir Charles. He doesn't take himself too seriously (in contrast to Bill Walton). Every now and then he says something pretty funny.
"Yao Ming makes Sean Bradley look like Bill Russell."
"I love Sam Cassell. He's a great guy. But he does look like E.T."
For more quotes, go to http://barkleyquotes.blogspot.com/
John Madden -- I think I've whined about him enough that most peope who know me know that I'm not a fan of John Madden, a.k.a. Captain Obvious.
"Now, what you gotta do is put more points on the board than the other guy. And the way you do that is BOOM! put it in the endzone!"
Bill Walton -- My least favorite announcer of all time is, hands down, Bill Walton. Every word that goober utters is like another tap on the hammer driving a nail into my brain. My IQ has temporarily fallen each time I've watched a game he's announced.
Dick Vitale -- I actually don't mind Dickie V, baby. At least he's enthusiastic about his work. It would sure get exhausting listening to him for more than a few hours a season, though.
Charles Barkley -- Believe it or not, I actually like Sir Charles. He doesn't take himself too seriously (in contrast to Bill Walton). Every now and then he says something pretty funny.
"Yao Ming makes Sean Bradley look like Bill Russell."
"I love Sam Cassell. He's a great guy. But he does look like E.T."
For more quotes, go to http://barkleyquotes.blogspot.com/
Thursday, April 30, 2009
And I'm a Smart Aleck
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sports on TV
I love to watch sports. Like most American men (at least the ones that produce testosterone), I enjoy a good football game. And during March, April, and May I love basketball. But I think that Americans are wasting too much time watching some boring sports when they could be thrilled by some amazing sports. And yes, I'm going to name names (of the sports, that is).
Most Overrated TV Sports
1) Golf -- Is this even a sport? And what could possess a man to sit on his couch for hours watching guys in slacks walk around on a lawn?
2) Bowling -- Bowling is #2 only because fewer people watch it then golf. There is even less honor in watching bowling then there is in watching golf.
3) Baseball -- Now I'm really making some enemies. But you have to admit that baseball is sloooooooow. Fun to play, but to watch? Yawn. Especially with 5,000,000 games a season. I have enjoyed some thrilling moments in the playoffs. But are a few thrilling moments worth the agonizing hours of watching one guy after the next stand there tapping dirt out of his cleats and adjusting his cup?
4) Poker -- Now I know poker is not a sport. I also know that it will put me to sleep faster than propofol.
5) Nascar -- Round and round they go. Vrooooooom! Where's the remote?
6) Fishing -- Again I'm forced to ask... Is this really a sport? I submit that it is NOT! And again, the low ranking is because I don't think anyone actually watches fishing. Fun to do, not to watch.
Most Underrated TV Sports
1) Soccer -- What is wrong with Americans that we don't appreciate the most popular sport in the world? If you can't enjoy a good futbol match, it's because you're ignorant. It is the most beautiful game in the world (besides women's tennis). Learn it.
2) Rugby -- Have you ever actually watched a rugby game? Non-stop action! These guys are bad to the bone--especially the little guys that get in there and mix it up with the monsters. The play's not over after they get crushed like it is in football. And they do it without pads.
3) Hockey -- From puck-handling finesse to hair-raising slap shots to teeth-rattling hits to fighting, hockey is the complete package.
Most Overrated TV Sports
1) Golf -- Is this even a sport? And what could possess a man to sit on his couch for hours watching guys in slacks walk around on a lawn?
2) Bowling -- Bowling is #2 only because fewer people watch it then golf. There is even less honor in watching bowling then there is in watching golf.
3) Baseball -- Now I'm really making some enemies. But you have to admit that baseball is sloooooooow. Fun to play, but to watch? Yawn. Especially with 5,000,000 games a season. I have enjoyed some thrilling moments in the playoffs. But are a few thrilling moments worth the agonizing hours of watching one guy after the next stand there tapping dirt out of his cleats and adjusting his cup?
4) Poker -- Now I know poker is not a sport. I also know that it will put me to sleep faster than propofol.
5) Nascar -- Round and round they go. Vrooooooom! Where's the remote?
6) Fishing -- Again I'm forced to ask... Is this really a sport? I submit that it is NOT! And again, the low ranking is because I don't think anyone actually watches fishing. Fun to do, not to watch.
Most Underrated TV Sports
1) Soccer -- What is wrong with Americans that we don't appreciate the most popular sport in the world? If you can't enjoy a good futbol match, it's because you're ignorant. It is the most beautiful game in the world (besides women's tennis). Learn it.
2) Rugby -- Have you ever actually watched a rugby game? Non-stop action! These guys are bad to the bone--especially the little guys that get in there and mix it up with the monsters. The play's not over after they get crushed like it is in football. And they do it without pads.
3) Hockey -- From puck-handling finesse to hair-raising slap shots to teeth-rattling hits to fighting, hockey is the complete package.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Kudos to Miss California
The reported front-runner for the Miss America pageant recieved her question from a "celebrity judge" called Perez Hilton. Mr. Hilton (I don't know his real name) asked Miss California whether she believed that other states should follow Vermont's example in legalizing gay marriage.
The question was obviously meant to catch Miss California in a situation in which she felt pressured, perhaps even obligated, to give a politically correct answer. Perez Hilton would be a hero among "gay rights" activists when he steered the future Miss America into striking a blow for same-sex marriage.
Imagine his suprise when Miss California stepped courageously up to the microphone and stated that she believes marriage is between a man and a woman!
Of course poor Perez was furious. He uploaded a video of his own tirade against Miss California in which he childishly called her names and stated that if she had won he would have climbed up on stage and taken away her tiara. Although in reality he was upset because his plot was foiled, he stated that he was upset because Miss America is supposed to unify Americans and because Miss America shouldn't be about politics and religion.
Mr. Hilton... my rebuttal:
1) I would have loved to see you try to get on stage and take her tiara. If the security guards didn't get you, Miss California would not have had much trouble disposing of you herself.
2) If you don't think the Miss America pageant should involve politics and religion, WHY DID YOU ASK THE QUESTION?
3) Once you've asked the question, don't you think the contestants should give sincere answers? Don't criticize her for being honest!
4) How is saying that states should be allowed to make their own decisions about gay marriage supposed to unify Americans? Half of the country strongly disagrees! You ask a question about a heated and controversial topic and you're going to get a controversial, divisive answer. You know what you were doing. I'm sure your blog is getting lots of extra hits and you are making lots of extra money and finding a larger audience for your ignorant ravings.
5) Look at her...
Now look at you...
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Emphasis on the -Fi
I took a break from real life yesterday and watched some Star Wars. Don't get me wrong, I like Star Wars. As a kid I was even a little bit obsessed with Star Wars. But I realized yesterday that it just doesn't hold the magic it once did.
I also noticed that George Lucas should have hired a physicist to consult during the writing and filming of all 6 episodes.
Here are some things that bug me about Star Wars.
Sound in Space -- You wouldn't really be able to hear the screeching whoosh of TIE fighters and the blast of laser cannons. Sound travels through matter, not empty space.
Walking Around on an Asteroid -- Han Solo, Leia, and Chewbacca all grab oxygen masks and walk around in a cave (which *spoiler alert* turns out to be a creature) on an asteroid. Are you telling me that there is enough atmosphere on that asteroid to provide the warmth and air pressure they need to survive? I also noticed that the gravity seems pretty strong for an asteroid that size.
Buzz Droids and Wind Resistance -- R2 (R4?) finally vanquishes the buzz droid on Obi Wan's ship. The buzz droid falls and is swept off the wing as if some force was pushing it backwards. Even if it slipped off the ship, wouldn't its momentum carry it alongside the ship in the absence of atmosphere?
Darth Vader's Skill with the Blade -- The Jedi and Sith in the first 3 episodes are incredible swordsmen. They hop around like superninjas. Suddenly, in Episode 4, Obi Wan and Darth Vader seem pretty rusty.
0.5 Past Lightspeed -- Han brags about his ship, stating that it can do 0.5 past lightspeed. Then they make the jump to lightspeed and stars start streaking by. I don't know how it is in that galaxy far, far away, but here the closest star would take almost 3 years to reach at 1.5 times the speed of light.
Samuel L. Jackson -- Samuel L. Jackson
Jar Jar Binks -- Jar Jar Binks
Stormbloopers -- Stormtroopers are the quintessential action movie bad guys. They are total idiots and terrible shots. They shoot at our heroes all day and hit nothing. Then Princess Leia whips around and cracks off a running hip shot that nails a stormtrooper square in the chest. And what is that ridiculous armor for, anyway? They can't run very well, and it doesn't protect them. Lazers go right through it. Ewoks take them out with blunt arrows and stone hatchets, for crying out loud!
Anakin and Padme (the Actors) -- Say what you will about the dialogue. (How do you say, "Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova and that'd end your trip real quick, wouldn't it?" without laughing?) I know it's got to be tough to work with, but Harrison Ford, Mark Hamil, and Carey Fisher pulled it off. These new guys were terrible. In a monotone voice he says, "If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me."
I also noticed that George Lucas should have hired a physicist to consult during the writing and filming of all 6 episodes.
Here are some things that bug me about Star Wars.
Sound in Space -- You wouldn't really be able to hear the screeching whoosh of TIE fighters and the blast of laser cannons. Sound travels through matter, not empty space.
Walking Around on an Asteroid -- Han Solo, Leia, and Chewbacca all grab oxygen masks and walk around in a cave (which *spoiler alert* turns out to be a creature) on an asteroid. Are you telling me that there is enough atmosphere on that asteroid to provide the warmth and air pressure they need to survive? I also noticed that the gravity seems pretty strong for an asteroid that size.
Buzz Droids and Wind Resistance -- R2 (R4?) finally vanquishes the buzz droid on Obi Wan's ship. The buzz droid falls and is swept off the wing as if some force was pushing it backwards. Even if it slipped off the ship, wouldn't its momentum carry it alongside the ship in the absence of atmosphere?
Darth Vader's Skill with the Blade -- The Jedi and Sith in the first 3 episodes are incredible swordsmen. They hop around like superninjas. Suddenly, in Episode 4, Obi Wan and Darth Vader seem pretty rusty.
0.5 Past Lightspeed -- Han brags about his ship, stating that it can do 0.5 past lightspeed. Then they make the jump to lightspeed and stars start streaking by. I don't know how it is in that galaxy far, far away, but here the closest star would take almost 3 years to reach at 1.5 times the speed of light.
Samuel L. Jackson -- Samuel L. Jackson
Jar Jar Binks -- Jar Jar Binks
Stormbloopers -- Stormtroopers are the quintessential action movie bad guys. They are total idiots and terrible shots. They shoot at our heroes all day and hit nothing. Then Princess Leia whips around and cracks off a running hip shot that nails a stormtrooper square in the chest. And what is that ridiculous armor for, anyway? They can't run very well, and it doesn't protect them. Lazers go right through it. Ewoks take them out with blunt arrows and stone hatchets, for crying out loud!
Anakin and Padme (the Actors) -- Say what you will about the dialogue. (How do you say, "Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova and that'd end your trip real quick, wouldn't it?" without laughing?) I know it's got to be tough to work with, but Harrison Ford, Mark Hamil, and Carey Fisher pulled it off. These new guys were terrible. In a monotone voice he says, "If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me."
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Oh, Snap!
I heard a great summary of the events leading up to our current economic crisis at stake conference today. This is a paraphrase of a paraphrase, but the essential points are intact.
We are in the situation we're in today because too many people borrowed money they didn't have to buy things they didn't need to impress people they didn't like.
Amen.
We are in the situation we're in today because too many people borrowed money they didn't have to buy things they didn't need to impress people they didn't like.
Amen.
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