Free At Last

Previously, on 24... I invested a lot of time in a silly show. As of approximately 18 minutes ago, it ended and I breathed a sigh of relief.

After viewing the series finalies of the only two shows that I have faithfully watched over the past few years (24 and Lost), I am liberated. I will now have an extra 2 hours of free time every week. What will I do with my time?

I don't know. Let's see what's on TV.

Telephone

Would somebody PLEASE teach Lady Gaga how to turn off her phone!
The best solution is often the simplest one.

Maybe she doesn't know how because she sips too much of that bub.

My TELephone...
My TELephone...

National Day of Prayer

I don't understand all the uproar over the "National Day of Prayer." Emotions are running high on both sides. Evangelists think they are being robbed of "an opportunity to pray voluntarily according to their own faith." Atheists think their civil rights are being trampled by a nation that refuses to recognize the constitutional seperation of church and state.

What purpose does the National Day of Prayer serve? Does it open any channels of communication with God that aren't already open? Shouldn't every day be a day of prayer? That's like having a National Day of Breathing. It doesn't provide any additional opportunities to speak with God.

And then there are the opponents. Who takes up the cause against prayer? If you are an atheist, why does it even bother you? If you don't believe in prayer, then you don't need to worry about it! And you must be terribly naive, and a very poor historian to think that the founding fathers had a prayerless nation in mind when they composed the constitution.

I don't really understand the need for a National Day of Prayer. But it disappoints me that there are Americans who so passionately and vocally oppose prayer.

If someone were to propose to me that we have a National Day of Prayer, I would have said, "Why?"

But to those who have taken up the cause of abolishing the National Day of Prayer I say, "Why!?!"

Satellite Package

When you go to the grocery store for a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk, they don't tell you, "You can have the bread and milk if you also buy cheese, the latest issue of the Enquirer, three flavors of Jell-O, bubble bath, and a tube of antifungal cream...All for a low, low price! The other grocery stores only offer TWO flavors of Jell-O! Here, you get three!"

Unfortunately, that's what satellite and cable TV do. They make you buy all the crap with the good stuff. Why do I have to pay for A&E, the Weather Channel, and the Food Network just so I can watch BYU football?

I wish someone would let you put together a custom package. Here is my first draft:

ESPN

ESPN2

Versus

the Mtn

Spike (MMA)

NBC (the Office)

ABC (for a few more weeks until Lost is over)

History Channel

If I need more channels than that, I'd better evaluate how much time I'm spending watching TV.

Did I miss anything good?

Company Names

Years of television watching have taught my brain to divert "now, for a limited time," "0% APR," and "dah, dah, dah, dah, dah... I'm lovin' it" into the dumping grounds of my subconscious mind, stamped DNR. Commercials are a low, annoying background hum while I tune in to another channel of thought. I play with Zo, talk with Celeste, or think about my next creative project until my filter alerts me that Jack Bauer or Dwight Shrute are back on screen. I then tune back in to the television. But occasionally, my filter picks up on something interesting and draws me back to the broadcast prematurely. (Usually a Victoria's Secret commercial. In such cases I have to overrule my id and go back to tuning out the commercials.) The other night, the filter caught the tail end of a commercial for a home improvement franchise. "...for a limited time, only...at Menards!"
Menards?!

Isn't that what you say when you get hit in the groin with a football?

"Oh, Menards!"

Don't people think before they name their companies?

I used to pass by an autobody shop called, "Gaylord Fiberglass Truck". Across the street, I kid you not, was a used car dealership called, "Menlove Auto." Coincidence?

We also used to pass by a restaurant in Anaheim, CA called "Thai Porn." I'm sure many potential clients walked out of "Thai Porn" very disappointed. What was the owner thinking?

------

Well, I just looked it up. Turns out "porn" means "blessing" in Thailand. The owner's name is Pornpan. She named the restaurant after herself on the advice of a fortune teller. Now that's a fortune teller with a sense of humor.

XY

Turns out that I am so manly I only crank out Y chromosomes.

We're having another boy.

Master Romney

In 24 days I will receive my MSPAS. That's Master of Science in Physician Assistant Studies. After receiving my degree, patients and colleagues will still address me as "Miles," "the PA," "that guy," or "hey, you." Maybe in a few years when I've got some wrinkles and gray hair they'll call me Mr. Romney.

If people with doctorates are called doctors, why is there no special title for people with masters degrees?

After I graduate, I will insist that everyone call me Master Romney.

Not really. I like "Miles."

(Besides, then people would have to start calling my wife "Bachelor Romney.")