Lost

Last night was the season finale of Lost. Lost and I have had an erratic relationship. After the first season I vowed never to watch it again. I was sucked back in.

Why I Hate It

After every episode during the first season I was left saying, "What the...?" Everything was built up to the final episode when so many questions would finally be answered. As the final episode drew nearer and nearer to a close, I realized that NO questions would be answered. In fact, MORE questions were raised. When the final episode left me saying the most bewildered "What the...?" of all, I was furious. What a waste of my time! I will never watch that stupid show again!

Why I Love It

With nothing else on TV but reality TV garbage, cop/lawyer/medical dramas, and comedies that don't tickle my funny, I was left with one alternative--Lost. And so I hung in there, season after season, until the mysteries of the island finally began to be answered. And honestly, the long wait made the answers more gratifying.

Lost isn't your typical drama. It's intelligent and inventive. I can usually predict what will happen in other TV shows (who is the last person you'd think would do it--that's who did it [Nina]), but Lost keeps breaking the rules. (Although, I did guess correctly what was in the box last night because I am a super genius.) The cliches that plague other dramas are absent in Lost. The characters are all crappy people (con-men, murderers, drug addicts) but they are deep and sophisticated. And the show is set in a different world, not the same world we are trying to take a break from when we watch TV. And the mark of a good drama is that it makes you say, "Whoah!" a lot, right? Last night there were about five good "Whoah!"s.

So if you want a creative, intelligent alternative to the moronic medical dramas and reality contest shows, catch up on Lost before the final season. This show isn't for casual, mindless TV watchers. It's for people who demand that a little bit of thought go into their entertainment.

Personality

In my opinion, the best sports announcers are the ones that DON'T leave an impression on you. You should remember the game, not the announcer. Here are a few announcers that have left an impression on me.

John Madden -- I think I've whined about him enough that most peope who know me know that I'm not a fan of John Madden, a.k.a. Captain Obvious.

"Now, what you gotta do is put more points on the board than the other guy. And the way you do that is BOOM! put it in the endzone!"

Bill Walton -- My least favorite announcer of all time is, hands down, Bill Walton. Every word that goober utters is like another tap on the hammer driving a nail into my brain. My IQ has temporarily fallen each time I've watched a game he's announced.

Dick Vitale -- I actually don't mind Dickie V, baby. At least he's enthusiastic about his work. It would sure get exhausting listening to him for more than a few hours a season, though.

Charles Barkley -- Believe it or not, I actually like Sir Charles. He doesn't take himself too seriously (in contrast to Bill Walton). Every now and then he says something pretty funny.

"Yao Ming makes Sean Bradley look like Bill Russell."

"I love Sam Cassell. He's a great guy. But he does look like E.T."

For more quotes, go to http://barkleyquotes.blogspot.com/

Terry Bradshaw -- I wonder how much this guy gets paid to dress up in a suit and act like the court jester for pregame shows. He is not a smart man. But I don't hate him (in contrast to Bill Walton).

And I'm a Smart Aleck

I'm getting really sick of that smug little punk Mac on the commercials. I wish PC would just wheel around and kick that little wisenheimer where the sun don't shine.

I'm not weighing in on the whole Mac vs. PC argument. I just hate the snotty Mac character, that's all.

Sports on TV

I love to watch sports. Like most American men (at least the ones that produce testosterone), I enjoy a good football game. And during March, April, and May I love basketball. But I think that Americans are wasting too much time watching some boring sports when they could be thrilled by some amazing sports. And yes, I'm going to name names (of the sports, that is).

Most Overrated TV Sports

1) Golf -- Is this even a sport? And what could possess a man to sit on his couch for hours watching guys in slacks walk around on a lawn?

2) Bowling -- Bowling is #2 only because fewer people watch it then golf. There is even less honor in watching bowling then there is in watching golf.

3) Baseball -- Now I'm really making some enemies. But you have to admit that baseball is sloooooooow. Fun to play, but to watch? Yawn. Especially with 5,000,000 games a season. I have enjoyed some thrilling moments in the playoffs. But are a few thrilling moments worth the agonizing hours of watching one guy after the next stand there tapping dirt out of his cleats and adjusting his cup?

4) Poker -- Now I know poker is not a sport. I also know that it will put me to sleep faster than propofol.

5) Nascar -- Round and round they go. Vrooooooom! Where's the remote?

6) Fishing -- Again I'm forced to ask... Is this really a sport? I submit that it is NOT! And again, the low ranking is because I don't think anyone actually watches fishing. Fun to do, not to watch.

Most Underrated TV Sports

1) Soccer -- What is wrong with Americans that we don't appreciate the most popular sport in the world? If you can't enjoy a good futbol match, it's because you're ignorant. It is the most beautiful game in the world (besides women's tennis). Learn it.

2) Rugby -- Have you ever actually watched a rugby game? Non-stop action! These guys are bad to the bone--especially the little guys that get in there and mix it up with the monsters. The play's not over after they get crushed like it is in football. And they do it without pads.

3) Hockey -- From puck-handling finesse to hair-raising slap shots to teeth-rattling hits to fighting, hockey is the complete package.

Kudos to Miss California

The reported front-runner for the Miss America pageant recieved her question from a "celebrity judge" called Perez Hilton. Mr. Hilton (I don't know his real name) asked Miss California whether she believed that other states should follow Vermont's example in legalizing gay marriage.

The question was obviously meant to catch Miss California in a situation in which she felt pressured, perhaps even obligated, to give a politically correct answer. Perez Hilton would be a hero among "gay rights" activists when he steered the future Miss America into striking a blow for same-sex marriage.

Imagine his suprise when Miss California stepped courageously up to the microphone and stated that she believes marriage is between a man and a woman!

Of course poor Perez was furious. He uploaded a video of his own tirade against Miss California in which he childishly called her names and stated that if she had won he would have climbed up on stage and taken away her tiara. Although in reality he was upset because his plot was foiled, he stated that he was upset because Miss America is supposed to unify Americans and because Miss America shouldn't be about politics and religion.

Mr. Hilton... my rebuttal:

1) I would have loved to see you try to get on stage and take her tiara. If the security guards didn't get you, Miss California would not have had much trouble disposing of you herself.

2) If you don't think the Miss America pageant should involve politics and religion, WHY DID YOU ASK THE QUESTION?

3) Once you've asked the question, don't you think the contestants should give sincere answers? Don't criticize her for being honest!

4) How is saying that states should be allowed to make their own decisions about gay marriage supposed to unify Americans? Half of the country strongly disagrees! You ask a question about a heated and controversial topic and you're going to get a controversial, divisive answer. You know what you were doing. I'm sure your blog is getting lots of extra hits and you are making lots of extra money and finding a larger audience for your ignorant ravings.

5) Look at her...

Now look at you...

Emphasis on the -Fi

I took a break from real life yesterday and watched some Star Wars. Don't get me wrong, I like Star Wars. As a kid I was even a little bit obsessed with Star Wars. But I realized yesterday that it just doesn't hold the magic it once did.

I also noticed that George Lucas should have hired a physicist to consult during the writing and filming of all 6 episodes.


Here are some things that bug me about Star Wars.


Sound in Space -- You wouldn't really be able to hear the screeching whoosh of TIE fighters and the blast of laser cannons. Sound travels through matter, not empty space.


Walking Around on an Asteroid -- Han Solo, Leia, and Chewbacca all grab oxygen masks and walk around in a cave (which *spoiler alert* turns out to be a creature) on an asteroid. Are you telling me that there is enough atmosphere on that asteroid to provide the warmth and air pressure they need to survive? I also noticed that the gravity seems pretty strong for an asteroid that size.


Buzz Droids and Wind Resistance -- R2 (R4?) finally vanquishes the buzz droid on Obi Wan's ship. The buzz droid falls and is swept off the wing as if some force was pushing it backwards. Even if it slipped off the ship, wouldn't its momentum carry it alongside the ship in the absence of atmosphere?


Darth Vader's Skill with the Blade -- The Jedi and Sith in the first 3 episodes are incredible swordsmen. They hop around like superninjas. Suddenly, in Episode 4, Obi Wan and Darth Vader seem pretty rusty.


0.5 Past Lightspeed -- Han brags about his ship, stating that it can do 0.5 past lightspeed. Then they make the jump to lightspeed and stars start streaking by. I don't know how it is in that galaxy far, far away, but here the closest star would take almost 3 years to reach at 1.5 times the speed of light.


Samuel L. Jackson -- Samuel L. Jackson


Jar Jar Binks -- Jar Jar Binks


Stormbloopers -- Stormtroopers are the quintessential action movie bad guys. They are total idiots and terrible shots. They shoot at our heroes all day and hit nothing. Then Princess Leia whips around and cracks off a running hip shot that nails a stormtrooper square in the chest. And what is that ridiculous armor for, anyway? They can't run very well, and it doesn't protect them. Lazers go right through it. Ewoks take them out with blunt arrows and stone hatchets, for crying out loud!


Anakin and Padme (the Actors) -- Say what you will about the dialogue. (How do you say, "Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Without precise calculations we could fly right through a star, or bounce too close to a supernova and that'd end your trip real quick, wouldn't it?" without laughing?) I know it's got to be tough to work with, but Harrison Ford, Mark Hamil, and Carey Fisher pulled it off. These new guys were terrible. In a monotone voice he says, "If you are suffering as much as I am, please tell me."

Oh, Snap!

I heard a great summary of the events leading up to our current economic crisis at stake conference today. This is a paraphrase of a paraphrase, but the essential points are intact.

We are in the situation we're in today because too many people borrowed money they didn't have to buy things they didn't need to impress people they didn't like.

Amen.